A Quiet Moment
by elle.writes
Summary: The ceaseless whisper of Heero's fingers over the keys would eventually lull him to sleep, but for a moment he just wanted to listen. They rarely got a quiet moment together like this – just the two of them.


**Title: **A Quiet Moment

**Pairings/Warnings:** 1+2+1, angst, suggested adult situations

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Gundam Wing and never will.

Duo lay on the flimsy bunk bed feeling every coil in the thin pad digging into his back. But it was still better than the cold floor. The ceaseless whisper of Heero's fingers over the keys would eventually lull him to sleep, but for a moment he just wanted to listen. They rarely got a quiet moment together like this – just the two of them.

He turned his head slightly to view Heero's profile, that concentrated Japanese face so unaffected by his task, so tranquil and calm despite his furious fingers. He had memorized every inch of that face – the perfect curve of his lips, the tilt of his cheekbones, the slight slant of his eyes and the way his hair fell so ungracefully into them – so that in his dreams he would have it perfectly. Because he knew that although he wanted desperately to be the object of Heero's concentration, he never would be. Those blue eyes would never look at him that way.

Suddenly he realized the taping had stopped and those blue eyes _were_ looking at him. Not the way he wanted... but nonetheless.

"Sorry," Duo offered, "I was just thinking."

Heero looked skeptical. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Promise." Duo turned his eyes back to stare at the slats on the bunk above him until he no longer felt those eyes pinned on him and the typing resumed.

Cautiously he slid only his eyes back to the other pilot, the glow of the laptop screen making him seem even more pale than usual. He wondered what it would be like, to have those quick, deft fingers pressing into his flesh, stroking every muscled inch of his body, holding Duo against him with his strong, iron grip.

The thought was enough to make Duo uncomfortable and he shifted a little, turning his eyes away and trying to think about anything else. But there was only one thing he wanted to think about... Which was the unintended downfall to this night. His usual routine was completely out of the question.

Heero sighed in a grandiose way – for him, though it wasn't particularly exaggerated, it was more of a gesture than he usually expressed – and turned back to Duo.

"What?" he demanded simply.

Duo turned back to look at him. "Huh?"

"I can't concentrate like this, so what is it?"

He sat up then to face Heero and buried his fingers in his hair in frustration. "I don't know, 'Ro... It's just, a lot. Like, what do you think will happen when this is over? We'll all just go our separate ways and get jobs at restaurants and insurance agencies and that'll be that?"

"Quatre will inherit the Winner Corporation," Heero answered easily, as though he had the answer premeditated. But that just irritated Duo even more.

"I'm not talking about Quatre!" Duo's voice strained with exacerbation. He didn't even want to be having a conversation. To be completely honest, he just wanted to think about Heero touching him, jerk off, and go to sleep. "Not Trowa or even Wufei either! I'm talking about you and me, Heero. People who have no where to go."

Heero had nothing to say to that and sat in quiet contemplation for a moment.

"I don't assume I'll be alive," Heero finally responded softly and Duo's heart ached for a moment. What kind of person – what kind of machine? – thought of themselves as so dispensable? He wanted to reach across the short distance between them and pull the other pilot to him. Hold him and tell him that he would be missed. Kiss him and make him feel like life was worth living. That they could have something, after the war. They could have each other and then they would both have somewhere to go.

But what was the point? Heero surely steeled his heart against such petty things as lust, desire, want, and affection. If the attention of a queen didn't interest him, could the attention of a broken boy from L2 really sway to him?

Duo just fell back on the bed, sideways, so his eyes still faced the other pilot, defeated. "Well, if you live... just know you'll always have a place with me, okay?"

Something strange flashed through Heero's eyes that Duo had never seen there before. He wondered if he embarrassed him or something. Not that Heero Yuy was ever embarrassed, as far as Duo could tell. But as Duo stared he saw Heero's eyes change. And for a brief moment he thought he saw...

No. Not Heero. His own heart had gotten carried away in his pointless desires and implanted his secret wish in the eyes of the solider he loved. But he was a solider above all else and he had no room for that. To love Heero was to respect him and his self-imposed distance. To love Heero was to know that your love would be perpetually unrequited. To love Heero... was to know pain. And so Duo stuck by the painful path and smoldered his hopes in the undeniable reality of Heero's silence.

"But I understand if you don't want that," Duo said at length, unable to keep a touch of disappointment from his voice. "I just wanted you to know."

Heero nodded and Duo let himself briefly cling to the hope that he had seen longing there in those deep and endless eyes.

But the room was too dark and his judgment too clouded and he knew Heero too well. There would never be longing there.

Slowly Heero started typing again so Duo rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. On the backs of his eyelids he imagined they were somewhere else, far away, in a little safehouse on Earth, maybe. And Heero slipped into bed next to him, running his strong hands against his body as Duo snuggled into him. Kissing his lips, his cheeks, his neck... Heero's calloused fingertips stroking his face, his warmth encompassing Duo completely. And the typing melted into rain on the windows as he drifted into sleep.

* * *

Heero felt strangely comfortable with just Duo there. Not that he wouldn't be working on this hack if anyone else were there, he did what he had to do, but he wouldn't have felt so at ease if it had been Trowa or Wufei or Quatre. Sure, he liked them well enough, but they didn't make him feel like this. Like he could let his guard down and just... be.

He wondered if Duo had any idea the affect he had on him. He guessed not. Heero didn't even understand the affect the other pilot had on him. But when he looked into those bright, wide eyes he felt like everything was going to be okay. As long as Duo was still there with him, everything would be okay.

Suddenly he realized those eyes were locked on him. Heero stopped typing and turned towards Duo, staring back at him. He looked tired, lying there, like the whole weight of the war was crushing him. For reasons Heero couldn't express, he wished he could ease his burden. But he crushed the thought as soon as he thought it. Wishes were useless – they were at war.

"Sorry," Duo offered, "I was just thinking."

"What's wrong?" Heero asked, not really believing that Duo was simply lost in thought.

"Nothing! Promise." Duo's quick answer didn't really satisfy Heero's curiosity, but he would never push him – it wasn't any of his business. Duo turned to profile and stared up at the bed above him. For a moment, Heero let his eyes rake over Duo's form, inspecting its outline in the nearly non-existent light. The gentle rise and fall of his chest was somehow reassuring to Heero. Duo, at least, was solid, and tangible, and very much alive.

He stopped that train of thought quickly as well and turned back to his laptop, clamoring away at the keys. He couldn't afford any distractions. Not now. Not until this was all over.

But it wasn't long until he realized that Duo's eyes were back on him. It didn't bother him, really. It just made him wonder if there was something upsetting Duo and honestly, Duo couldn't afford any distractions either. Regardless of how Heero felt about talking, if it helped Duo to talk about it, then he would indulge him – the only person he truly considered a friend.

So he sighed and turned back around and simply asked, "What?"

Duo had turned his eyes away to pretend he wasn't staring, so now he had to turn them back. As Heero anticipated, Duo played dumb. "Huh?"

"I can't concentrate like this," he stated simply, "so what is it?"

Duo sat up then and his whole body language seemed frustrated. "I don't know, 'Ro..." he started softly. Heero hated the nickname, but he knew if he ever addressed it Duo would tease him mercilessly and he couldn't – and he stopped himself again. He wished Duo didn't have that power over him. To think things he didn't want to think. To _feel_ things he –

"It's just, a lot." Duo continued quickly then. "Like, what do you think will happen when this is over? We'll all just go our separate ways and get jobs at restaurants and insurance agencies and that'll be that?"

It honestly wasn't something Heero ever spent any time thinking about so the answer was obvious for him. "Quatre will inherit the Winner Corporation."

But Duo didn't appear to like that answer. "I'm not talking about Quatre!" Heero was surprised – he'd almost shouted. "Not Trowa or even Wufei either! I'm talking about you and me, Heero. People who have no where to go."

No where to go.

Yes, Heero supposed that was true enough, he didn't have anywhere to go in the event the war ever ended. But that had never bothered him before. He'd never spent any time considering that. He was prepared to give his life for this and that meant only one thing...

"I don't assume I'll be alive," he told the other boy honestly and watched as Duo's face twisted for a moment in what Heero could only believe was pity. But he didn't want pity. He didn't deserve it and he didn't need it. He didn't need it or anyone for that matter. Including Duo.

Duo had fallen back onto the bed and stared up at him. His lips had a bit of a pout to them that Heero tried hard to ignore. And sadly, quietly, he said, "Well, if you live... just know you'll always have a place with me, okay?"

Why he had to say that just then, Heero didn't know. He felt like his whole world was going to fall apart in that one moment. Everything he knew to be true about himself, his ability to keep going with no thought for himself, no thought for his emotions, his single-minded desire to repress any distraction from the task at hand seemed to suddenly disappear and he was left...

He was left with the deafening realization that he _wanted_ that. He _wanted_ Duo. He wanted him with an all-encompassing desire that made his stomach churn and limbs weak. The thoughts he'd been avoiding rushed over him like crashing waves that drug him down, deep into a suffocating ocean of reality. Duo made him feel at ease because Duo made him feel because Heero loved him.

He stared back at this simple orphaned boy, all alone in the whole world, forced to find some semblance of a family because his was destroyed, and begged him with his eyes to reach out then. To find him. To make him part of his family. Because if Duo didn't act now he knew he would shut himself down and this realization would mean nothing. He couldn't do this alone.

"But I understand if you don't want that." Duo's quiet voice broke Heero from his entrapment and with great efficiency he began the task of re-compartmentalizing his feelings so that they would not distract him again. "I just wanted you to know."

And it was over. Heero had neatly stuffed his soul back inside himself as he wouldn't be baring it tonight and Duo rolled back over again and closed his eyes again. He went back to his computer but listened to Duo's breathing as it settled into an easy rhythm. When he was sure he was asleep, he stole one long glance at him, noting how at peace he looked.

A small, desperate part of him wanted to get up, cross that small distance between them, and rest his weary body down next to the other pilot. And then, if just for one night, everything would be okay...

But no. This wasn't the time or the place and frankly, unless they survived the war, there would never be one. For the briefest of moments he longed for things to be different... And then he sealed his heart shut and turned back to finish his work.


End file.
